Your Senior Parent Needs Help, And They're Increasingly Angry. What Can You Do?
Posted on: 29 August 2017
Aging parents may be difficult to help to begin with; declining mental and physical status tends to come with some denial and difficult feelings of anger or sadness. So how can you help someone who so clearly needs your help, but doesn't want to take it? Here are some ideas.
Understand Where They're Coming From
Everyone goes at their own pace with accepting the signs of aging, and some people take it more gracefully than others. It's a hard thing to admit that you are beginning a decline into old age and will not longer be able to have the independence that you've had for the past 50 years or more. So, it makes sense that someone may not react well the first time they are approached with the idea of getting outside help.
Give Them Time
Rather than forcing any kind of change upon your parent, such as a move to assisted living or an in-home care aide, let them process the change gradually. They might realize that they actually do need the extra help. It can be hard to admit at first, but when a time comes that they are stuck on a task they could really use help with, the realization will hit.
Provide Help in Small Increments
You could start with an in-home care aide who comes once per week to clean, deliver groceries, and check up on your loved one. If they need more help than that, it will soon become clear. Your in-home care aide can act as an advocate for future care providers. They can say something like, "It looks like you're struggling with that task. I bet I know who could help."
In-home care can actually go a long way. With the aid of skilled nurses and in-home rehab specialists, your loved one may need to make very minimal trips outside of the house. The care aide will deal with day-to-day, custodial needs, as much as your parent requires. However, long-term assisted living care is probably the end goal, because it will give you the best peace of mind.
Trust In a Doctor's Wisdom
Your parent may react angrily or fearfully when you ask them about getting outside help or even going to assisted living. If they forcefully refuse, at least get them to see a doctor regularly. A doctor with training in geriatric care can have the last say about when it's dangerous for your parent to stay home alone.
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